Last of a Dying Breed

I believe that life is about relationships but we often miscalculate what we expect of others versus what is reality. There has to be a level of trust and a life filled with paranoia supplemented by not trusting anyone is a bleak and lonely existence. We have no choice but to trust our coworkers, friends, church members, and family. But without pressure it’s a dangerous game that we play because human behavior is unpredictable.

Watch Your Six

As a young adult, I remember going out to a local bar with three childhood friends and the experience there cemented the idea of trust and pressure. I’ve always been a little weary because they won’t cheat or steal from you, and will most likely help you out when needed but that’s the extent of that relationship which I am keenly aware of. It’s a dangerous world and you have to be careful of who you surround yourself with when you go out.

We sat down at what seemed to be an empty table and began looking at the menu for drinks. I wouldn’t say it’s a rough bar, and I’ve had bad experiences at biker bars (which I have no idea why my buddy dragged me there) but it wasn’t to that degree. All of a sudden, this large blue collared man walks up the table with his tattooed arms extended saying that it was his table and we all needed to leave. Really? One of my buddies said where your homies at then. He was alone but felt like he owned the place.

One of the waitresses came by and told him to calm down but he became increasingly agitated as both my buddy and waitress argued with him. Finally, she apologized to our group and said she would seat us at a different table. We ended up getting really good service from her because I know she felt bad.

But I didn’t move. I just wasn’t having it that day and decided we were going to throw down. The other three friends just walked away and sat down at a different table without a word. I looked up at him still sitting down while he stared back. Here we go I thought and he has his big group behind him.

I stood up and said what’s up trying to locate the bouncers in case they try to blindside me. Then the weirdest thing happened. He extended his hand and said I respect you. You stood tall when your homies just left you. The group he was with didn’t make a move and it seemed like they were tired of their friend always starting shit. The guy got his table but ended up sitting alone because his own friend group decided to occupy a different table. Ego and pride will get you like that.

The waitress later came by and showed us the receipt that the guy had left. He put down zero tip and wrote in, “Fuck You Bitch.” We all laughed about it but I wasn’t laughing on the inside because I was left stranded. Like Z-Ro always says, One Deep.

The Flip Side

A similar situation happened at the karaoke bar not too long after which ended up being the total opposite. Alcohol was flowing and I was minding my own business when this large roided up dude walked up and bumped into me on purpose. I was a bit smaller back then so I don’t get that as much now but it shocked me a bit. I told him what’s up and asked what his problem was. He then asked me what I was going to do about it.

I looked over at a buddy of mine who I was with and we immediately understood the situation. Two other friends I was with now understand the situation as well. I won’t go into details, but without hesitation the man got the business end of what he was asking for. No questions, no arguments, no BS talk. Eventually his wife came out and freaked out as she was dragging him outside. Lets just say there was a trail left behind and the cops came. Nothing happened due to sheer luck but it was a tale of two different cities for sure.

Corporate Lessons

This is just one of many incidents as a younger adult that sticks with me as I try my best to navigate the corporate world. Of course, there are obvious incidents like being out at happy hour with coworkers who stood tall for me as former Marines. But more insidious are companies and teams with so called great culture that have never experienced real pressure. Even if you’ve worked with them for years, it’s sad to see so called besties at work turn on each other when things get heated. The backbiting, snitching, and throwing each other under the bus is sad to see.

On the other hand, I’ve been at notoriously toxic and hellish environments where teams stick together like glue. Even with jobs on the line with executives looking for blood, they stand tall for each other. In the end, the teams stay in tact and they progress up the ladder together. I envied watching teams like that operate. Something that I don’t have right now.

Life Lessons

So what are the differences between those homies who stood tall and those who didn’t? Those who did could be seen as more hood or street savvy. I believe it’s the process of going through rougher experiences growing up that made them the way they are including prison time. In tougher environments, you have to learn to stick together.

The ones that didn’t? Not a complete knock because I’m sure they’d lend you money or be there for special occasions, but you have to realize the limitations of any relationship. Sure, they’re considered to be more of the model characters that every Asian parent wants their kid to be. But little do they know what people will do under pressure.

I tell my coworkers you won’t really know how people will act until they’re put under pressure. They write it off because they live in a utopia and have no idea what I perceive happening as pressure and expectations ramp up with new ownership. I’ve been in nasty companies but still remain somewhat close with old coworkers that stood tall next to me in the worst of times. Not to be dramatic but that’s what people remember. Even though we don’t work together anymore, I answer when they call.

I remember an old mentor describing his experience escaping a brutal dictatorship overseas and learning to survive in a refugee camp. The lesson he learned there? They police themselves and don’t tolerate fuckery because that’s the only way to survive.

If you’re out and about and not willing to stand tall for others, don’t be surprised when everyone else watches you get beat down. It’s karma and the stand up guys are a dying breed for sure.